Things haven't been great in my life for a number of years now. I have had anxiety issues since I was 14 and been in and out of therapy for those issues for a while. But it was really during my first year at Uni (where I went to study Psychology and Criminology) where things really came to a head and I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I eventually dropped out a month into my second year and moved home because I just couldn't cope any more at uni.
My OCD got worse quickly, and soon I was unable to eat, drink or use the bathroom at home without great anxiety, panic attacks and tears. I spent most of my time this first year asleep or in bed reading as I saw no reason to get up because there was nothing for me to do and nothing that I could do. I eventually got diagnosed with Emetophobia as well as OCD, this is a phobia of vomiting. I know, I know, no one likes getting sick but this is more extreme. I avoid many situations in case I catch something, or someone there gets sick, It severely limits my life.
I've now been home, sometimes housebound through anxiety, for 6 years now. In and out of therapy as the NHS deems me worthy of another bout of therapy. I'm currently trying to get into a residential unit in Kent for my emetophobia and OCD, but people around me aren't positive that this will happen due to the funding issues. A week ago I had an assessment for an NHS psychiatrist, to see if they will help get me into this place or at least get some proper help- as I am currently seeing a private psychologist but I can only afford to see her once every two months or so which isn't as good as I want. Things are going very slowly.
Things have gotten worse as in the last year or so I have been feeling very unwell. I had numerous blood tests, trips to the hospital, MRI scans and X-rays and they found nothing apart from elevated inflammation markers in my blood. And so my doctor believes it is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have not had an official diagnosis but that what he says it is. I now have to plan any activities I want to do- even making a meal or taking a shower or changing my bedsheets. My already very limited life is now even more limited. Whereas a year ago I would walk the ten minutes into town just to get a sandwich and my prescription I can not do that at all now, I'm afraid I'll get there and not be able to get home again. I have to take a walking stick with me when I do go out because of the shakeyness and dizziness I get when I walk. I'm stuck between getting more to help me get out and about and the fear of admitting I am this sick.
It's not all been bad, I have a great supportive family. I had read some amazing books, watched some amazing TV and taught myself to knit. I hope to have more fun experiences though, socially. I recently joined a local group for people with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/M.E. and while I have only been to two sessions I am enjoying myself there and enjoying meeting some new people.
Here's to new experiences,
xx
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